certain that it's probably not going to happen

This week was a week in my head- not a particularly pretty place.  I spent the whole week thinking about something that I was sure was going to happen.  It crossed my mind at odd times.  It made my disposition less than sunny.  I finally took charge of myself and said, "Self, this is not going to happen.  You need to get a grip and move on."  So I did.  I made a list in my head of the things that aren't going to happen and started thinking about the things that are going to happen.  Truthfully, the following items were not on those lists because you really just can't know all my secrets.  And, by the way, the thing I convinced myself wasn't going to happen actually did, and it was completely underwhelming.

I got to thinking about a fun math lesson from school this year.  The kids were learning about certain, unlikely, and definitely not.  I made little cards with examples from each category.  The kids had to read the card and decide which category the statement fit.  Being a silly person, I had an amusing time writing the cards and hearing the results of my labors.  As I was leaving for the day, the little boy I always called the wrong name (not my fault- his best friend has the same name without the "th" in the middle!) got the one "Mrs. K. will call me the wrong name."  I laughed the whole way home.  Everyone thought the "Mrs. S. is going to have a baby gorilla." was hilarious.  Those were the best two, but how much fun we had playing this game.  It was definitely a fun way to think about real vs. not and certain vs. uncertain.

Not going to happen

* I'm not going to win the lottery.

* I'm not going to transform in Donna Reed overnight.

* I'm not going to influence my outsides by wishing.

* I'm not going to be perfect at anything.

* I'm not going to be famous.

* I'm not going to grow up.

Likely to happen

* I will do something stupid like almost go to jail for a parking ticket.

* I will say or do something I shouldn't.

* I will be a very blond brunette.

* I will volunteer for something I shouldn't that will cause me great aggravation.

* I will be sad for no good reason.

* I will want to do something good for other people.

* I will finish this stinking grad school application after working on it for 5 months(?)

* I will work hard at my summer camps and have fun in spite of myself.

* I will be mean to my beloved hubby when he's sick, taking up space, and not doing anything for me.

* I will influence my insides by being stubborn and by wishing.

Certain to happen

* I will laugh at something funny one of my kids say- daily.

* I will cry through Annie, Les Miserables, and Folger's commercials.

* I will finish reading several books, but not as many as I have on my list.

* I will find humor in other people's silliness.

* I will get a hug when I need one.

* I will be loved by my family and love them right back.

* I will be sarcastic.

* I will be as moody as a teenager- and I have an excellent role model for that one.

How do you live a life filled with items that fit into such slots?  How do you move on from the things that definitely won't happen?  How do you turn maybes into certainties?  How can I live life as the blondest brunette ever?  Yep, good questions.  The answers are clear.  Life is uncertain, eat dessert first.  Life is mind over matter: the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind.    Be flexible.  Even though I hate that word just a little bit, I can do it.  I can do whatever I put my mind to.  And so can you.

mania from heaven?

This past week has been... interesting.  A few times I found myself wondering if I was really quite sane, even a little bit, I mean.  I just was so stinking.. happy.  Nothing bothered me.  I wasn't required to be "flexible" about a thing.  I pretty much accomplished nothing.  And, wow, was life amusing this week.

My children, and the assorted random friends who showed up, seemed to think they deserved lunch.  I freely admit that I disagreed.  But I pretty much forced myself from my busy business of doing nothing to throw some pasta in a pot.  While elder spawn watched (and why exactly wasn't she making the noodles anyhow?), I "opened" a box of spaghetti.  Unfortunately, it was already open.  So when I lifted the box, the enormous box of spaghetti dumped its contents directly below it.  On my feet.  I looked down- this hurts way more than you'd think by the way- to see a spaghetti sculpture impaled on my feet.  I seriously looked for blood.  After I finished laughing.  And laughing.  And laughing.  Rebecca joined me in laughter for a while until she thought maybe I'd laughed just a little too long.  Then she left the room as she realized cleaning up was going to have to happen.

The next day, another friend over for a lunch- even more culinarily delightful than spaghetti.  Then her mom called to make a plan to acquire child.  A plan that involved a trip to the library and Rita's.  I was all about it!  So we went to the library.  Rebecca disappeared upstairs.  This is important because we actually left her behind and had to go back to get her.  Anyhow, chaos at the library included a chance meeting with several kids from my class this year.  Including the one Katie calls my "nemesis".  Absolutely not.  This boy provided me with endless laughter this whole year.  Anyway, I made the mistake of telling this boy that we were going to Rita's also after the library.  So we all went together (as his mother and sister really had no choice), me, my two kids, my friend, one of her daughters and this other family.  Amusing already.  We did have the private girl table.  Thank goodness.  So. The spaghetti incident happened to come up in conversation, which made me laugh again.  My giggles morphed into guffaws from the looks on my daughters' faces when they realized that I actually cooked that stinking spaghetti.  Um, yea.  I wasn't throwing a pound of spaghetti away (especially since I wasn't eating any of it anyhow).  Well, then there was some flailing about (I did mention that Katie was with us, right?) and Katie hit Rebecca's spoon which did the predictable double flip, spewing gelati all over the table and assorted other places.  This sent the psycho (me) into absolute gales of laughter.  Then there was Katie holding a spoon full of stuff while also laughing, a constant stream of ice stuff dripping on her legs and clothes.  Which was also hilarious to me.  I was laughing so hard, I could barely see the stares of horror around me and those 3 stuffy ladies LEAVING Rita's in a huff.  I couldn't even look at my friend.. who, while completely wonderful, is NOT like me. 

As we're leaving, Katie tells me that she thought my "nemesis" was really annoying.  This made Rebecca and I laugh all the more.  Day 1 of school I knew this boy was Katie's clone, from the constant loudness, absolute unsolicited opinions, in your face all the time, all the way to the matching forehead scars.  Oh, yea, and he never listened to a word I said.

The last time I had a week even a little bit like this past week, was the end of April or early May.  I found myself just walking around smiling- even more than usual.  I must have looked completely simple with that smile on my face.  No apparent reason.  It took me days to realize why I was so happy.  I'd just finished a free-for-all.  April was Easter and all that goes with that.  The final weeks of my Penn State course which entailed the final written project and the horrific presentation.  And the culmination of Rebecca's middle school musical and my being in charge of ticket sales- ticket booth is great fun but a big time commitment.  So all of this finished up.  So here I was, in the situation of no longer smacking my head against a wall and it felt good.  So my foolish smiling was the absence of chaos and stress.

Not really being very bright, it wasn't until my week of utter laziness was coming to an end and my corresponding mania was ebbing, that I realized I was so manic, happy, and amused this week because I wasn't banging my head against the wall again and it felt good.

So I guess it's a good thing that there are very few weeks that are like these.  Or maybe it's good that I can vent happiness.  Or maybe I do really need therapy for incredible mood swings.  I think I can safely say that a little bit of laughter in life is good.  It feels good.  According to Reader's Digest, it's the best medicine.  I know for darn sure, when your life is filled with people who may or may not listen to you, who may or may not take initiative to make their own stinking lunch, who may or may not think you are a public embarrassment, it's a good thing to be able to laugh at them and yourself.