I went out to lunch with friends the other day. It wasn't about food at all (although the pizza was fab). It was hilarious, inappropriate conversation about a new craft endeavor that I shall market to special friends in the sizes regular and gynormous. It was about friends giving me excellent birthday advice. Laughing. It was about a random stranger walking past us saying, "you are having too much fun." A good lunch.
Thanksgiving spent with family. A recipe for some interesting times. Thanksgiving with my family this year was about something other than being thankful or being with family. My brother, the ultimate drama queen, somehow makes everything about him. My senior year of high school, he went MIA. Every neighborhood conversation became "any news about your brother?" I probably am selfish, then and now, but I got to the point where I didn't give a rat. He was found, of course. He'd moved to Florida to do something or another and didn't feel like telling anyone. My brother specializes in changing careers. One Thanksgiving he picked me up from Penn State (where I was hiding because I was supposed to already be gone) in a Mayflower tractor-trailer. He's been a brilliant software geek (which I have to say was probably the right career for him) which he gave up to go to nursing school. This one still slays me. But somehow it seems to be a good profession for him? Until now of course. He had cataract surgery recently and something went wrong I guess. He had to miss working over Thanksgiving and possibly has lost his job at Johnstown Hospital. Since I've had convo with him about this job- hospital nurses are underpaid and overworked- Who Knew???, I know this is no crying shame for him. And, imagine this- anyone who has ever been in a hospital, hospitals are loud and it's hard to hear. This is a problem for a person with total deafness in one ear and loss in the other. Who knew this would be a problem? Anyhow. The point is that my dear brother's eye pain made it impossible for him to sit with the family for a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, but not impossible for him to come down 30 minutes later after the food was all cleaned up. Of course he required food to be served to him and of course he spoke to me. Never a good plan. My brother puts the asshole in opinionated. By which I mean to say, we disagree. And my disagreeing with him caused a bit of a conversation with my father that could have been avoided had I engaged my brain. So, Thanksgiving at my family was NOT about being thankful and enjoying family. It was about eating and disappointing my parents because we didn't stay very long. But dear mom sent us home with lots of goodies.
I'm giving my darling elder spawn a lot of grief about catching the school bus on Tuesday- her last and only opportunity in November to actually ride her assigned bus. Now, it may not really be the only time this month, but it was a definite rare thing. But this razzing is not about catching the bus. It's about playing with her. I don't really care if she catches the bus or not. I enjoy our morning car time. I get the secrets I never hear about otherwise- like which boy she likes at school. (Can't believe she made the mistake of telling me that after what I did to her last year!!) And secrets like what she's doing after school or in school and whether she's in district choir or not. We sing along to CD's. We giggle and play. She spends 10 minutes gathering her junk from the front seat to get out of my car, while I turn the volume up to embarrass her.
And speaking of embarrassing her, her church choir sang last week. When she sings in church, the father chooses an up close location. (When I take spawn to church we sit in the back of the balcony where nobody knows what's happening). Well, I started exchanging notes with Katie as she is not an asset to the abbey. But apparently my notes weren't really about keeping her on good church behavior. Because I got to giggling and pretty much carried on throughout the whole service. Rebecca was in the front row of choir and saw everything, cringing and making the universal finger/eye ball gesture of "I'm watching you." This made me laugh even more.
It's not about that. A phone call is not about having something to say, it's about wanting to talk to someone so much that you figure out an excuse. A hug is not about the reason for the hug, it's about wanting physical reassurance from someone you love. A smile is not about how something makes you feel, it's about the how the person who did the something makes you feel.
So I'm working on my holiday attitude. Christmas and birthdays (which are essentially synchronized in my land) have been about pleasing everyone and failing to please everyone, planning hectic holiday visits with family, hoping for time for friends, wishing for more time- before the holidays and after. But this is not what it's about. It's about making time for the things I want to do: hosting a party, singing in choir, singing in my first voice recital, the annual Christmas Eve party with good friends (which I skipped one year to finish Rebecca's Christmas dress- really??), caroling. It's about choosing what to do with my family: slaying the Christmas tree, hosting birthday parties that the kids plan, encouraging my dad to serve whiskey sours, doing puzzles with the crazy in-laws. It's about doing for others in ways that make sense for us: wrapping for Toys for Tots, smiling at strangers, maybe only one Angel Tree gift this year. So, my mantra for this season, it's not about that. When I forget, please remind me: preferably with a phone call, hug, smile or lunch date.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Four weddings and no funeral
I like weddings. When I hear about people going to weddings, I get a little bit envious. I'm not sure what it is about weddings that appeals to me so much. Perhaps it's the fancy clothes and uncomfortable shoes. Maybe it's the champagne (which I love). Maybe it's just my romantic nature that loves to see people commit to forever.
I'm told that I got married. Yup. I remember very little of the day. I was a little stressed apparently. I'm also told that I promised to "love, honor, and obey". I KNOW I didn't do that. I know that even though the minister had to practically say the words one at a time for me to repeat them that I never would have said "obey". I'd tell you more about the day, but, as I said, I don't remember. Maybe I'll find the documentation to prove that I'm married. Maybe I'll find some pictures before our 20th Anniversary (which is in about 4 months). Maybe.
A long time ago, barely before children, I went to my first and favorite college roomie's wedding in gorgeous, historic Charleston, South Carolina. What do I remember about this wedding? One of her bridesmaids had an arm chewed off by an alligator. I saw my freshman year true love for the first time in a long, long time with his wife, who still didn't want to speak to me, pregnant with their 3rd (egads!) child- due about the same time that our first was. It was then that I realized with a smile that things sometimes work out the way they are supposed to and that he was a bit of a schmuck. It was wonderful to see my friend finally get her MRS degree. I love this friend, but I think she'd be the first to admit that she went to college to find a husband. It took a little time, but she found a good guy. Except that they keep moving farther south.
The most recent wedding we've been to must be when my brother- and sister-in-law got married, either 7 or 8 years ago. I'd apologize for not remembering which, but considering we forgot that it was last month and sent no card, I doubt they'd be surprised that we don't know how many years they've been married. Sigh. They got married under a gazebo in the back yard of their quaint house. The ceremony was beautiful. The flowers in their little vials of pine water were delicious according to the toddler monster we had to bring with us. Both children enjoyed traipsing through the mud of the carefully tended flower beds. Neither child could sit still or quietly through the elegant ceremony. Then we arrived at the exclusive B&B, I think, where a gorgeous, elegant, long meal was served in style. Not that I noticed because I was fretting with a 6 year old (give or take) who can't sit still yet at 13 and the aforementioned little loud monster, whose goal in life up until age 8 was to ralf in as many locations as possible. And, yes, she did. I think the bride and groom didn't even know about it. (That's how good I got at predicting and responding with wicked sharp reflexes.)
Why am I thinking about weddings? I recently (in the past 6 months or so) reconnected with a college friend through my favorite social networking site. We enjoyed chatting, emailing, posting, what-have-you. We talked about our s.o's and when she got engaged I cheered with all of her other friends. We exchanged conversations about this and then out of the blue, she said if she had room in her guest list she would invite us to the wedding. I didn't think too much about this as I hadn't seen her in over 20 years and how likely would this be?
This friend and I met our freshman year of college: she lived on the 2nd floor of the best dorm at Penn State and I lived on the 1st floor. We spent some time together those early years because that was the kind of dorm it was. She moved out. I got thrown out (essentially, but not really.) Then came the summer we were both 21 and living in State College. Both of us had a huge aptitude for fun and dancing (and drinking) which we indulged most Thursday nights- enjoying $2 Long Island Iced Teas at Mr. C's and dancing 'til we dropped or the bar closed. I think it's at least possible that the dancing and fun were the draw rather than the beverages that make you blind. I remember this summer as the best summer of my life to that point (possibly forever). We just had so much fun. This summer also had another bonus, in that Sue had a friend that she introduced me to. One night he came with us out dancing wearing the most godawful pair of shorts I have ever seen (it was the 80's). Somehow, in spite of those shorts, the rest is history. It was probably because he had a car.
So I got this facebook message from Sue asking for my home address if I really thought we'd come to the wedding. It seemed the right thing to do. And it was the right thing to do. And, no, we didn't take the children. This past weekend we traveled to some cute little town (she called it "soulless") outside of Philly. Being a little discombobulated on a good day, I had directions to the location of the wedding but not the hotel. We followed our convoluted directions to arrive at the hall just as she was leaving with her matron of honor and the dude performing the ceremony. So we followed them to the hotel. Another amazing little quirk of fate.
The wedding was perfect in every way: quirky, funny, thought-provoking, beautiful. A tribute to two souls who finally found each other. The bride's mother sang "Desperado"- I mean, read part of the desiderato. They wrote their own vows. His beautifully spoken from the heart. Hers written down on a folded up piece of paper that she snuck from the the matron to the officiant, so she could read the beautiful words she'd written so carefully and lovingly. They danced down the "aisle" both to and from the ceremony in one of those New Orleans things that I can't remember the name. Through the whole ceremony, I was either laughing or crying.
Then we started eating. A fabulous buffet of breakfast foods of wondrousness- including an omelette station and a Belgian waffle dessert bar. Yummy! Then we started dancing. It was a wonderful party of fun, appropriate songs to get your feet moving. I sang and danced all night long with occasional breaks before I fell down. I had a most fabulous time acting like the 20something I should still be. Although, when we did "Shout" I did not "go a little bit lower now"- since I worried I wouldn't make it back up. And we had words for the poor DJ when he cut off the best part of "Love Shack". I think it's extremely possible that I did a little dirty dancing during "Brick House". If anyone was offended, I apologize.
Beyond the fun factor and getting away as a couple, it was so special to see this friend from so long ago as she embarked on a new path with her soulmate. It was heart-warming to hear from her family, friends and coworkers just how incredible a human being she is- she always was, but age brings more to us. And she was so darn cute telling the story (in front of everyone) of how she introduced my hubby and I and watched us fall in love in front of her very eyes. We agree that is an exaggeration. But we do have the Sue Shrine in our living room which we bow towards on alternate Tuesdays.
I'm told that I got married. Yup. I remember very little of the day. I was a little stressed apparently. I'm also told that I promised to "love, honor, and obey". I KNOW I didn't do that. I know that even though the minister had to practically say the words one at a time for me to repeat them that I never would have said "obey". I'd tell you more about the day, but, as I said, I don't remember. Maybe I'll find the documentation to prove that I'm married. Maybe I'll find some pictures before our 20th Anniversary (which is in about 4 months). Maybe.
A long time ago, barely before children, I went to my first and favorite college roomie's wedding in gorgeous, historic Charleston, South Carolina. What do I remember about this wedding? One of her bridesmaids had an arm chewed off by an alligator. I saw my freshman year true love for the first time in a long, long time with his wife, who still didn't want to speak to me, pregnant with their 3rd (egads!) child- due about the same time that our first was. It was then that I realized with a smile that things sometimes work out the way they are supposed to and that he was a bit of a schmuck. It was wonderful to see my friend finally get her MRS degree. I love this friend, but I think she'd be the first to admit that she went to college to find a husband. It took a little time, but she found a good guy. Except that they keep moving farther south.
The most recent wedding we've been to must be when my brother- and sister-in-law got married, either 7 or 8 years ago. I'd apologize for not remembering which, but considering we forgot that it was last month and sent no card, I doubt they'd be surprised that we don't know how many years they've been married. Sigh. They got married under a gazebo in the back yard of their quaint house. The ceremony was beautiful. The flowers in their little vials of pine water were delicious according to the toddler monster we had to bring with us. Both children enjoyed traipsing through the mud of the carefully tended flower beds. Neither child could sit still or quietly through the elegant ceremony. Then we arrived at the exclusive B&B, I think, where a gorgeous, elegant, long meal was served in style. Not that I noticed because I was fretting with a 6 year old (give or take) who can't sit still yet at 13 and the aforementioned little loud monster, whose goal in life up until age 8 was to ralf in as many locations as possible. And, yes, she did. I think the bride and groom didn't even know about it. (That's how good I got at predicting and responding with wicked sharp reflexes.)
Why am I thinking about weddings? I recently (in the past 6 months or so) reconnected with a college friend through my favorite social networking site. We enjoyed chatting, emailing, posting, what-have-you. We talked about our s.o's and when she got engaged I cheered with all of her other friends. We exchanged conversations about this and then out of the blue, she said if she had room in her guest list she would invite us to the wedding. I didn't think too much about this as I hadn't seen her in over 20 years and how likely would this be?
This friend and I met our freshman year of college: she lived on the 2nd floor of the best dorm at Penn State and I lived on the 1st floor. We spent some time together those early years because that was the kind of dorm it was. She moved out. I got thrown out (essentially, but not really.) Then came the summer we were both 21 and living in State College. Both of us had a huge aptitude for fun and dancing (and drinking) which we indulged most Thursday nights- enjoying $2 Long Island Iced Teas at Mr. C's and dancing 'til we dropped or the bar closed. I think it's at least possible that the dancing and fun were the draw rather than the beverages that make you blind. I remember this summer as the best summer of my life to that point (possibly forever). We just had so much fun. This summer also had another bonus, in that Sue had a friend that she introduced me to. One night he came with us out dancing wearing the most godawful pair of shorts I have ever seen (it was the 80's). Somehow, in spite of those shorts, the rest is history. It was probably because he had a car.
So I got this facebook message from Sue asking for my home address if I really thought we'd come to the wedding. It seemed the right thing to do. And it was the right thing to do. And, no, we didn't take the children. This past weekend we traveled to some cute little town (she called it "soulless") outside of Philly. Being a little discombobulated on a good day, I had directions to the location of the wedding but not the hotel. We followed our convoluted directions to arrive at the hall just as she was leaving with her matron of honor and the dude performing the ceremony. So we followed them to the hotel. Another amazing little quirk of fate.
The wedding was perfect in every way: quirky, funny, thought-provoking, beautiful. A tribute to two souls who finally found each other. The bride's mother sang "Desperado"- I mean, read part of the desiderato. They wrote their own vows. His beautifully spoken from the heart. Hers written down on a folded up piece of paper that she snuck from the the matron to the officiant, so she could read the beautiful words she'd written so carefully and lovingly. They danced down the "aisle" both to and from the ceremony in one of those New Orleans things that I can't remember the name. Through the whole ceremony, I was either laughing or crying.
Then we started eating. A fabulous buffet of breakfast foods of wondrousness- including an omelette station and a Belgian waffle dessert bar. Yummy! Then we started dancing. It was a wonderful party of fun, appropriate songs to get your feet moving. I sang and danced all night long with occasional breaks before I fell down. I had a most fabulous time acting like the 20something I should still be. Although, when we did "Shout" I did not "go a little bit lower now"- since I worried I wouldn't make it back up. And we had words for the poor DJ when he cut off the best part of "Love Shack". I think it's extremely possible that I did a little dirty dancing during "Brick House". If anyone was offended, I apologize.
Beyond the fun factor and getting away as a couple, it was so special to see this friend from so long ago as she embarked on a new path with her soulmate. It was heart-warming to hear from her family, friends and coworkers just how incredible a human being she is- she always was, but age brings more to us. And she was so darn cute telling the story (in front of everyone) of how she introduced my hubby and I and watched us fall in love in front of her very eyes. We agree that is an exaggeration. But we do have the Sue Shrine in our living room which we bow towards on alternate Tuesdays.
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