alpha and omega

I have two favorite times of year: the beginning of everything and the end of everything.  Why is that?  I love the excitement of new activities.  The thrill of making the schedule work.  The joy of going from the somewhat uncluttered, unstructured summer to the carefully orchestrated schedule of fall.  But yet, equally exciting to me is the culmination of the chaos as one by one the school year activities wrap up.  I love having my Tuesdays full of church friends and kids, but I also love having my Tuesdays uncluttered with responsibility.  I love the excitement of classes beginning, but I love the relief of having all the work done, the stress relieved.  I love the thrill of the beginning of rehearsals for the middle school musical and the utter chaos entailed by tech week and performances.  But I also love watching my child, one of many, shine on the stage and then having the experience be over.  Finite.  I love the joy of nagging and fretting about getting the younger spawn to choir rehearsals, easily forgotten on a Thursday morning (that might be sarcasm).  But I also love watching the final choir concert where she belts out her favorite songs regardless of those around her.  Still to come.. two band concerts, an older spawn choir concert, a piano recital.   That's ok.  They are soon and will be incredible (or at least amusing- I guarantee that Katie beating a bass drum and plucking a string bass will be mighty hilarious.)  The older spawn, in spite of her whining about the practicing, positively sparkles on stage.

It's not just the kids who have beginnings and endings.  As I said, I just finished a class at Penn State- difficult but also enjoyable and worthwhile.  The culmination there was a paper and a presentation.  The presentation I really could have done without.  Really.  So, now Monday nights are free.  This is also a beginning, however.  Today I took the GRE for the first time ever.  I was nervous, panicked even.  I finally convinced myself that I could live with my results because I could always fork over the mula to take it again.  Well, not positive, but I think I may not have to take it again.  This is big for me.  This means I actually have to finish my application to grad school- a new beginning.  I have closed my eyes and leaped!!  I have no limits! (I'm paraphrasing "Defying Gravity" here.)  It doesn't matter that I'm old as dirt- probably too old for a career change- or that I'm not entirely sure I want to switch from the cushy job I currently have (which is possibly there for me next year, possibly not).  What matters is that I'm embracing a new beginning.  Yes, I've already taken 3 classes for the Masters.  So it's really not a beginning.  Still, I have to finish an application, put my fate in the hands of someone else who might decide that I'm not right for the program.  I'm willing to take that chance.  If I can conquer (to a point) a big, scary test, I can finish an application.

That's not all I have by way of beginnings and endings.  New beginnings:  I was asked to help backstage at the first production of the local summer theater.  How cool is that?  I had great fun helping backstage last summer at the musical of the season, "Hello Dolly".  It was fun!  I fully expect to help again this summer during the show that a friend's daughter has been cast in.  I love being asked to do something!  Who doesn't like to be needed and wanted?  Other new beginnings involve summer and the relaxed chaos that brings.  I'm teaching more summer camps than ever before.  Pretty terrifying, but equally exciting- or would be if I had a clue what I was doing.  Endings?  Yes, I have endings.  I'm done worrying about something I have fixed as well as I can.  I'm done beating myself up for making a bad decision. I'm not perfect, but I am dreadfully sorry.  That's the end.  No more tears, recriminations, wishes.  Life is too short to be sorry for what cannot be fixed.  I kissed the boo boo and now we move on.

"Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know."  Change is a beginning... but it's also an ending.  Either way, the spawn and I get to belt along with YouTube.